A thought that has been much in my mind of late! Here I go again talking about the death of my husband but that is what is foremost in my mind still.
No longer a mere mortal! What if you could live forever…..etc.
In case you haven’t noticed the world is aflutter with lots of thought on that subject. Long ago I gave up on the idea of the Christian afterlife – where we would go stand before a throne and a bright and shiny Father God would judge whether or not we were worthy. That thought process filled me with such feelings of ostracism and unworthiness when compared to really great people like Sister Theresa or Ghandi or Martin Luther King. On my best days my contribution to the world has usually been cooking and washing dishes and yes I often forget that I should not be greedy or selfish or cross or negative. So the idea that this supreme being might find me worthy of everlasting life was very vague. And I am totally turned off by the “born again” philosophy – another idea of ostracism…if you don’t believe exactly like we do then you can’t be “in”.
So lately I have been drawn to other ideas. And there are many out there who espouse life after death and the fact that our loved ones are “with us in this very moment”. Or that we learn certain lessons in this lifetime and those we do not learn we must come back again to learn…but unfortunately we do not remember in a new life where we left off in this one so we must start all over.
Even though I have leaned toward these ideas in the last few years I find both to be very negative. So my loved ones who died are floating around out there in huge droves – all the past generations of my family on all sides – watching and looking over me. Are THEY passing judgment on what I do every day? My husband was pre-deceased by a woman that he loved far more than he loved me. So am I to think they are floating around all smiles and holding hands watching while I deal with the world he left behind all by myself?
And quite frankly at this point and age in life I am not at all sure I want to look forward to going to the afterlife and being presented with a new assignment to come back and try again. The agony of teenage, the pain of childbirth or war? Maybe doing this once is enough – that seems so to me today.
I read the other day – and I believe it was a quote but unfortunately I don’t remember the exact source – that we are not obliged to believe ANYTHING but that our lives and our outlook will be determined by whatever we do chose to believe.
Maybe the most comfort comes from the idea that like a pebble being thrown into the water – our lives after death make a mark for a short time but then move away in ever decreasing ripples into the great oneness of the universe.